The Sum of our Parts
by Impervius
Summary: [HARRY/RON SLASH] Ron hides like a child though he's playing an adult's game


[ALL CHARACTERS ARE PROPERTY OF J.K ROWLING AND WARNER BROS.]  
[R RATED - DO NOT READ IF UNDER 17 OR OFFENDED BY SLASH FICTION]  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
We are just the sum of our parts now; Lips, tounges and ragged breathes. Limbs entangling until we're indistinguishable from one another. I need this, crave his touch on every inch of my flesh. As we kiss, I can feel him touching my soul, breathing life into my lungs. I feel a surge of happiness, knowing that this boy is mine now. Consenting and adoring and desperately clawing at every part of me, willing me to do the same.  
  
It took so long to get here; Sleepless nights and endless days when I listened to him express his desire for someone else. But not anymore. His gaze meets mine and he sighs a little, relenting once more and kissing me with a passion that burns in my mouth. This is what this is all about, it's all I've ever hoped for. I knew he would succumb eventually and allow himself to feel the same things I felt. It wasn't instantaneous. We had reached our 6th year before he even realised how I felt for him. Before our meetings became tense and our voices hoarse with desire. Before he finally looked me in the eyes and admitted it. He wanted me. He needed me. He would give up everything just to hold me. He'd been a fool to himself for so long.  
  
I, however, had know since the moment I laid eyes on him. I had allowed myself to feel this way about him. He walked with a confidence that wasn't forced or for show. It was a quiet self assurance that echoed in his every footstep. I knew part of him must be scared, everything being so new. It's a little disconcerting to find out your entire life you've been something other than just a normal, little boy. He is anything but normal, with or without his reputation and his power.  
We quickly became friends and I quickly grew to want more. I followed him around like a puppy, determined that if I couldn't be his lover, I would at least be his best friend. We became inseperable but everything remained purely platonic. I was so good at hiding my true feelings. Too good, it seemed, as he found it so easy to talk to me about his silly little crush on Cho Chang, the Ravenclaw seeker. I sat and smiled, though I could feel my insides dying. Laughed as he recounted something funny she'd said at dinner, looked suitably concerned when he expressed his fear she would never be his. Inside, I learnt to hate her. Inside, I picked her apart, dissected her until she became something I found easy to despise. In reality, she had done nothing wrong and was a likeable, pretty girl. I could only see her as the barrier that stood between me and my only happiness and I abhorred her for it.  
  
One evening, we were sat in the Gryffindor common room, playing chess when he started again.  
"Oh Ron, you won't believe what Cho said today," he started, grinning at me. This was the last straw. I'd listened obediantly for two years, let his words crash through me, breaking my heart so slowly, so painfully. I didn't want to listen anymore. I didn't have to listen anymore.  
"I don't care, Harry," I sighed, my voice cold with a deep-seated bitterness.  
"What?" He looked at me, incredulous.  
"I said, I don't care. I don't want to listen anymore." My voice took on a new tone as I spoke. It was ugly, filled with an unfamiliar harshness. I stood, sweeping the pieces from the board and ran towards the common room stairs. He just sat there, staring at my retreating figure, listening as my shoes thudded up the cold, stone steps. I ran into the dormitory, slamming the heavy door behind me and throwing myself on my bed. I could barely believe I'd snapped at him like that. I felt ill, my stomach churning as I sobbed into my pillow. I was being pathetic. All this for one boy. The Boy Who Lived. Scratch that; To me he was just The Boy Who Made Me Feel Alive. Nothing legend, just a sweet perfection marred only by his inability to love me back. It was then I heard the door being pushed open and someone entering. Quickly, I pulled myself together, wiping the tears from my eyes. I didn't need Seamus or Dean to see me like this. What would they say?  
"Ron," said a familiar voice, a near whisper. "Ron, look at me." It was him and he was sitting on the edge of my bed. I turned to him and felt another rush of emotion. This time it was pain and desire, combined. It flooded through my chest and caught my breath in my throat.  
"Harry, please don't. I can't bear this." I whimpered, my eyes threatening to betray me and let more tears fall.  
"Ron, what's wrong with you? Why are you acting like this?" He stared at me, obviously confused. I felt my voice rising.  
"How can you not notice, Harry? I've listened to you go on and on about Cho bloody Chang for two years. It hurts so much, do you even realise that?" As I said this, the pain surged through me again. I gulped back more tears but felt a newfound confidence come into me. When I look back now, I think I basically concluded admitting my feelings couldn't make the situation any worse than it already was. It was time.  
"Ron, what do you mean? Please, I don't understand," he said, sounding desperate. His eyes looked glassy with suppressed tears.  
"I.. I love you, Harry. I have done since the first year. Didn't that ever occur to you?" I was looking down at my hands now, clawing at the sheets in an attempt to hold on to this moment. I knew my heart was going to be shattered with the next words Harry said. I didn't want him to speak but a part of me had to know what he'd say.  
"I never.. I.. never knew." Emotion forced out a stutter he'd had since he was a child. He'd learnt to hide it but, at times like these, it returned. I remembered he confided in me about it once, when we were both laying awake late one winter night.  
"Of course you didn't," I bit back, my voice full of venom. I was only like this because I was hurting, he would know this. "Why would you notice me? Cho Chang is far too distracting."  
"Ron, it isn't.. It isn't like th-th-that. I never.." He trailed off and I felt his hand on my chin. He lifted my face, forcing me to look into his eyes. His eyes are absolutely beautiful, they convey his emotions so vividly. Right now, they were filled with sadness, a tinge of hope and.. It couldn't be desire? "I know it, Ron. I.. I feel it too. I've denied myself this too.. Too long." With that, he reached around my head, his slim fingers tangling in my hair and bringing me closer to him. I stopped short of his lips, so close I swear I could hear his heart beating.  
"What are you doing?" I whispered, my lips brushing his as I spoke.  
"Something I should have done a long time ago," he replied, smiling slightly as he pressed his lips against mine. It felt like heaven. I moved closer to him, bringing my hands around his back, desperately clinging on to him. He slowly released my mouth from his, leaving me sat there, eyes closed and mouth hanging open. Slowly, I regained control of myself.  
"What.. What was that for?"  
"For things unsaid. For feelings hidden. For you, Ron." I'd never know Harry to be poetic, but then I'd never known him to kiss me randomly either so this was a day of firsts.  
"But, I.." He raised a finger to my lips.  
"You were so strong, Ron. So faithful. And all I could do was torment you with tales of a girl I feel barely anything for anymore." I blinked at him, opened my mouth to speak. "Shh, shh. I know. Cho is just.. I don't want her. She was a safe option for me, someone I could focus these.. Feelings on without fear. It was the only way I could keep up this façade that I wasn't different. The mask that I could hide behind to avoid me showing you what I truely felt." He blushed slightly as he said this. I just stared, dumbfounded. "I feared humiliation if I told you that I had fallen for you. I could imagine you laughing at me. Or worse, falling silent and never speaking to me again. I couldn't, wouldn't risk our friendship over that. I knew having you near me as a friend, ignorant to my feelings was better than having you know how I felt and hating me for it. I couldn't bare to have you hate me, Ron." I could barely believe what I was hearing. All this time, I had never even noticed. I had been the one that was blind, not him. This time, it was me that reached for him and pulled him into a kiss. He responded with a sigh, falling into me, surrending himself to me at last.  
  
And now, we've both opened our eyes and our hearts. There are no more walls to hide behind, no feelings to hold back. When I kiss him, he kisses me back and forces his soul into my mouth. I never thought love like this existed but I found it in my best friend. I'm holding on and not letting go. 


End file.
